yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
