It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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