JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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