am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he just fucked me for my cheese.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
