I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
