i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
