1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
