I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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