Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
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I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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