You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
