Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
