i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
