hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
