Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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