life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hippo gnu deer
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
