six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
