bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
