Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
