i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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