I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
