I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
