Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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