It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
