we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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