so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
