if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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