Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
