you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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