I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize