I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
