What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My feet surprised me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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