It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
