Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
