why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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