guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
