I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
