so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
