Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
