Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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