The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
