If i come over, it means nothing
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
