Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think a kid would responsible me up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
