I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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