Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How does one acquire holy water?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
