I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
