dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
