he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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