No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We have so much sex to catch up on
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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