OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
