Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
