his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
