Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
