Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
