I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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