if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
