I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
