i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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