She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
