: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
