dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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