i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
