oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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