Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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